Hawaiian Reeves

Hawaiian is afraid that when he’s buried, it will be under a pile of clean but neglected laundry.

Which is where I’m really hoping my cordless phone is right now because I need to make a call and the cordless is my only option for doing that with a headset. And the headset is key, really, because as it is one of my ears is already closer to my head than the other thanks to years spent perpetually on the phone in high school. Seriously. And yet, I might break down and use the other phone anyway because my slight weakness for reality TV reminded me this morning that just a couple of years ago, I was unfortunately propositioned (and felt up) at a charity event by this man:

Please don’t misunderstand — I’m all for everyone having a good time when they need it, but Bruce Vilanch is not my idea of a good time. And having his roaming hand on my range as he pointed out that I wasn’t as ripped as his porn star entourage, but still “doable” is really, in fact, in my world, a very bad time. I’m fully aware of the fact that I’m not built like Josh Weston, but I also know that Josh will do certain things for a certain price that I wouldn’t do at any. And that’s ok, too. Because being paid to flirt with Bruce seemed to make Josh and his pals all that much more willing to flirt with me for free.

Sadly, my date at this thing didn’t seem to care at all that adult entertainers of two very different types had been up close and personal with me as he was too busy working overtime to impress his ex-boyfriend. Barring at least a decade of difference in their ages, “I’m smarter than you because I beat you by one point in Scrabble” guy and his last love were nearly identical twins. I mean, I knew the guy was self-impressed, and I knew that he needed a father figure, but I didn’t realize he was only capable of accepting approval from older versions of himself.

And I’m pretty sure I know who loses when those two play board games.

So anyway, that’s what I’d tell someone if I could find my phone. And in the meantime I’m still rooting for Bruce to have a great run on the rest of Celebrity Fit Club. I just hope he gets to put a shirt on before he gets out of the blocks.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 22nd, 2006 at 12:32 pm and is filed under Celebrities, Dating, Gay. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.