I don’t go to sleep to dream…
Of all the things Hawaiian misses, the greatest of these is sleep.
And it’s really beginning to catch up with me. For weeks now, I’ve been completely unable to get anywhere near REM, and it’s starting to make me crazy. And lethargic. And generally not my best self. I’ve tried everything I can think of to turn the tide… excessive exercise, long showers, a tryptophan overdose from turkey… but nothing works. I even bought a new mattress, but with the way I’m tossing and turning, I’m thinking that maybe the next step has to be buying new sheets.
I mean, things are getting ridiculous. I’m susceptible to very bad things in this state. At 3:30 this morning I was halfway into an episode of Crossing Jordan. Crossing Jordan, people. In a former life and different forum, this is the show that I declared to have the most unattractive cast on television. Not to mention the cheap sets, bland scripts, and bad acting. Crossing Jordan on my TV. And I was actually watching it. Granted,this was an episode with D.W. Moffett, but that’s no excuse. He’s in plenty of those Danielle Steel movies that are constantly being aired on the Lifetime Movie Network, and yes, I’ve been watching a bit of that, too. Because my head hurts, I’m exhausted, and if I try to actually think about anything real, it makes it all worse. At this point, I’m honestly not sure I have the focus required to get through tonight’s episode of American Idol, and I wouldn’t actually say that takes a lot of focus. Of course, I have to entertain my TV partner-in-crime while it’s on, but he’s usually pacified as long as I laugh at his jokes. And that, of course, requires a kind of focus all its own. To paraphrase one of my favorite hoes from the HBO special Atlantic City Hookers, “It ain’t easy bein’ Hawaiian.”
But you know, even before the Crossing Jordan, I was pretty deep into some TV that I should probably avoid at all costs.   I had just spent two hours watching God or the Girl, the new A&E series that documents the “spiritual journey” five men in their 20s take while deciding whether or not to join the priesthood. Now, given that my college relationship ended because I was seeing someone who decided that Jesus didn’t approve of his feelings for me, a lot of this was vaguely familiar. It also probably didn’t help that most of my childhood was deeply rooted in religion, though of a non-Catholic variety. My first bedtime stories had a distinctly fundamentalist flavor, and my great-grandmother’s favorite form of entertainment(when I was five) involved having me memorize an endless number of bible verses, and then recite them for her when she needed to hear “the good word”. Needless to say, I can recognize the sounds of the well-programmed when they speak, and the kids in this show had definitely had plenty of programming.
So aside from the fact that two of the five guys are clearly gay and yet still viewed their decision as a choice between “the priesthood or married life”, I think the most shocking thing was just how not smart these men are. Critics have labeled this show as required viewing for Catholics and non-Catholics alike, and after watching the show, I’m wondering if that line of press wasn’t written with a chuckle. I mean, one of the kids has actually covered the mirror on his medicine cabinet with a picture of Christ because that’s who he should look like. Completely covered. He doesn’t need to see himself because he should be looking at Jesus. And believe it or not, there’s a girl who’s heartbroken because this guy might want to be a priest.
It was hard to watch, but I got through it. And I actually almost felt sorry for that kid until he admitted that he’s started sleeping on the floor because he needs to sacrifice for the Lord. Just because he’s apparently one of those people who can sleep anywhere doesn’t mean he has to throw it in my face.