Blue Hawaiian…
Today, Hawaiian has decided to share a bit of himself with you, his fans.
Since I can’t seem to get many of you to actually leave comments on here, I’m taking desperate measures… I’m posting a picture of myself. Thankfully, this is a self I have long since outgrown and barely recognize, but if this doesn’t get more than a total of two comments, I may give up and shut the blog down forever. Seriously, people, I know these are just my ramblings but they still take more time to write than they do to read, so in the words of the hopefully mortal Steve Harvey, show some love. And leave some comments. Also, phone calls explaining that you couldn’t comment because you read the postings on your smartphone or PDA will not be accepted. That’s really not the sort of PDA I’m looking for here. That’s right, people… I want is for you to reach out and touch me right here on the blog.
So it turns out that the guy threatening to excavate my mind has decided he doesn’t have the tools required for the dig. Last night, I got a long and oddly worded explanation of how really, anything that happened between us was bound to be too intense because of our personalities, and that he doesn’t have a “facility for my sense of humor” which was apparently too dark for him. I can’t believe anyone would ever think that I have a dark sense of humor.
This however, is the least of my problems on the romantic front. Just when I think I’ve met some reasonable option… just when I think there’s a guy who actually lives here who smell good, treats people well, and appreciates my need to watch America’s Next Top Model, and just when I’m about to go to New York to visit him because he’s there for the summer, he informs me, just last night, that he is seriously considering dropping out of law school and not returning to CA. Despite spending most of my time preparing for eventual catastrophes and thinking about all of the things in my life that could go wrong, this particular bit of cosmic injustice is not one that had ever crossed my mind. Maybe this means there’s some bit of optimist in me after all. Clearly, I’m going to have to work on changing that. Yes, I’m still seeing him in two weeks, but this trip is now clearly not offering the sort of resolution for which I might have hoped. My friends insist that I should just assume he’s coming back, but if you met any of the other people who actually attend that law school, you wouldn’t blame him for drinking heavily and considering a semi-permanent relocation to the bowels of Maine.
In other news, I will also soon be relocating, though the move is likely to take me no farther than an adjacent area code. And I’ll be living with a woman no less, after years of flying solo. Thankfully, she has excellent taste in television, but this is not likely to do anything good for my street cred as a homosexual. I think I might actually need to work on that. As things stand now, I completely skipped Pride, am only making it to the gym three times a week, and have gone out to a gay bar exactly once in 2006 and didn’t speak to a soul while I was there. There were myriad catcalls for me to take off my shirt from college boys who know not what they ask, and more than one trio of gays tried to rope me in and round out their numbers, but I remained impervious and mute whenever and wherever possible.
Believe it or not, I’m actually very shy around strangers. Or completely disinterested. Or both. I think maybe it has a bit to do with my childhood, of which I’m providing a glimpse below. I mean, if you grew up looking like this kid, you’d be cautious about what fools you let step on your island too.

***Hawaiian, age 12, with his first show pig, Luau, a Duroc-Hampshire triple cross gilt. Hawaiian, kicking it in a wheelchair, is sporting some bad shoes, terrible glasses, white jeans, and a smile. If this picture doesn’t deserve a comment, I don’t know what in the hell does.***
July 6th, 2006 at 3:01 pm
I still can’t believe it took 12 years of friendship for me to see this picture.
And I know that all signs point to it, but I refuse to believe you’re cursed.
July 6th, 2006 at 3:04 pm
Holy shit, that picture just totally made my day. I think you look brilliant in green and white. But more importantly, did Luau win?? Looking forward to seeing you in NYC, maybe Krista will finally introduce us.
-tom
July 7th, 2006 at 12:56 am
the photo is totally fantasy island
July 7th, 2006 at 2:20 pm
First, the picture is an American Treasure. What is deeply disconcerting the the fact it was taken at such a bizarre angle — how askew was that camera? What was it being aligned with?
Second, How could you be certain enough you were going to become Hawaiian to name your pig Luau back then?
July 9th, 2006 at 5:18 pm
Aww, you color-coordinated your tie and hat! and the bit of red on the shoe means you knew about complementary colors to offset the green. You were already a budding homosexual, I’m so proud of you!
July 13th, 2006 at 9:20 pm
1. no one would stay in ny when they can be in california
2. he’s got to come back for his bday dinner if nothing else
3. i am also curious about the winner status of the pig
July 13th, 2006 at 9:27 pm
The pig got a purple ribbon, which is better than blue in pig terms. And she sold for $1.50 a pound the next day, which was exciting at the age of 12.
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