Hawaiian Reeves

Sometimes, Hawaiian turns off his television, and this is a decision he usually regrets.

And such was the case last weekend. While the rest of the country was enjoying a three day weekend, I was reminding myself that if you were to stick me in a crowd of gay men, one of these things is most certainly not like the others. I should have been smart and stuck to the Law and Order:CI marathon on USA. I could have played it safe and watched some sort of collection of shows about grilling on the FoodNetwork. Hell, I could fallen asleep outside and spent all of Monday night nursing a wicked sunburn, and that still would have been better than what I actually ended up doing to myself.

So just to give a bit of background, it’s probably wise to break down the gays for the rest of you a bit. To assign categories. To clear up some mystery. To let you all know that no matter how bad you think straight dating is, at least your bars aren’t segregated by criteria like body fat percentage, price of your jeans, and the presence or lack of chest hair. Needless to say, stepping into the wrong bar in the wrong bit of denim at the wrong point between waxings could be really traumatic for a gay man, which is why I tend to not go out at all.

Anyway, let’s take a look at some of the categories with broad strokes. It’s actually possible that you can cross over a couple of categories, but this is rare. It happens, though, and I’ll have to discuss this in a bit.

So, in alphabetical order…. (more…)

***Hawaiian would like to warn his readers that this post contains content intended for an adult audience, and may not be suitable for young children, social conservatives, or graduates of Liberty University.***

So it’s probably no surprise to most of you that nearly all of the fish I’ve thrown back in the dating pool for the last few years have been caught in online wells. Believe it or not, I’m actually quite shy in groups of people despite looking more like a bouncer than a club kid, and since I don’t really drink and I can look at profiles during commercial breaks(because we’ve established that I don’t have TiVo), going to bars with the hope of meeting someone worth meeting seems really inefficient, frankly. Of course, I can dismiss a bar filled with 50 guys who spent their weekend doing meth a bit more quickly than I can get through 50 profiles of guys whose pictures predate their PNP days, but when given the option, I’m going to argue for whatever form of effiency allows me to be a homebody.

Which is precisely how I started watching my latest soon-to-be-convicted pleasure, Log In For Love. This new TLC show follows women on both coasts as they navigate the seas of online dating, and in more than one case, I’d say their ships are sinking. I’m also not entirely sure that any of them have lifeboats. (more…)