Hawaiian Reeves

Hawaiian would like to give a huge shout out to L’il Tim, who continues to leave comments (unlike some other people I know) and who will soon be off to law school.  It’s good to know that some people actually look forward to law school, and that they even plan to finish it.

This reminds me, of course, of someone I once dated.  Someone with a very peculiar and distinctive voice who always, always identified himself with his first, last, and middle names when calling me despite the fact that I lived alone and whose mother still did most of his grocery shopping.  Unlike my most recent crush, this man actually loved law school, and after three years of practicing law, very much wished that he could still be in it.  So maybe there’s a happy medium between loving law school and loathing it, and here’s hoping that L’il Tim finds it.  I’ll also be hoping that he finds the shelf of sale denim at the Scoop location in the west village, where just last week, women’s GoldSign jeans were tagged at $39 in just his size. (There’s a reason I call him L’il Tim, and it’s not just because of the bling and the jail time.)

So today, I look a bit like a candy cane.  A tired candy cane, of course, but a candy cane nonetheless.  My skin and the sun do not get along, and so after watching this woman:

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If he’s honest, Hawaiian has to admit that he can usually be described as an “ice freak” during the Winter Olympics, but this year Hawaiian finds himself giving the Games nothing but a cold shoulder.

I realized just how bad it was last night when I caught myself watching the elimination of Danielle (of “Gonzalez Eye” fame) from Beauty and the Geek instead of watching moguls or speed skating or whatever else was on last night. I felt like a traitor. Like someone who doesn’t care about his country. Like someone who won’t be able to discuss all of the drama of figure skating with the other gays. I felt like someone who would never learn the rules and intricacies of curling, and that made me sad.

It was the same feeling I had four years ago when a friend booked my flights to NYC for a weekend and had me on a plane during the entire telecast of the Oscars back when the Oscars mattered and the world didn’t have TiVo. I was a cultural outcast for weeks afterward and my current Olympic-sized apathy for all things gold, silver, and bronze is threatening to do the same thing. Except, of course, that the Olympics kinda suck this year, and everyone knows it.

So why do the Olympics suck? (more…)